Tech Humor & Satire | TechChuff - the folly of too many

Video games

Mafia family annoyed that Twitter recruitment effort not being taken seriously

Mafia family annoyed that Twitter recruitment effort not being taken seriously

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 4:43

Article republished with permission from @theoraclespeak at The Oracle Speaks. Read and comment on the original post ...

Plans For ‘Hanson: Rock Star’ Game Shelved Owing to Lack of Public Interest

Plans For ‘Hanson: Rock Star’ Game Shelved Owing to Lack of Public Interest

Friday, September 11, 2009 8:07

Article republished with permission from @theoraclespeak at The Oracle Speaks. Read and comment on the original post here. Plans ...

Is 'Mario' Touching YOUR Child Right Now?

Is ‘Mario’ Touching YOUR Child Right Now?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009 4:26

A child was taken into care services yesterday after a potential Italian-based internet paedophile ring was discovered by police. The child ...

Wii-titis on the up! Man Hurts Hand Beating Wife with Wiimote

Wii-titis on the up! Man Hurts Hand Beating Wife with Wiimote

Thursday, January 8, 2009 5:15

On a lighter note, the spate of Nintendo Wii related injuries collectively known as Wii-titis, such as 'Wii elbow', 'Wii ...

Video Game Nut Accidently Kills Actual Boss

Video Game Nut Accidently Kills Actual Boss

Tuesday, January 6, 2009 17:13

In a curious turn of events today, a employee was suspended from work for 2 weeks and sentenced to life ...

News

“Everything Old is Dead”, Declares Entire Internet

Monday, January 11, 2010 12:04

The music industry.  Dead. Traditional journalism.  Deader. You've Been Framed.  DEADEST. The murderer? The Internet. In shocking admission the Internet has admitted ...

State-Run Ad-Network to Buy Products on Your Behalf.

State-Run Ad-Network to Buy Products on Your Behalf.

Monday, November 23, 2009 9:32

While the usual remark about how in Soviet Russia 'the online bargains BUY YOU' would be passé and clichéd, ...

Police Manhunt Begins As Man Fails to Log into Facebook.

Police Manhunt Begins As Man Fails to Log into Facebook.

Monday, November 9, 2009 14:02

A missing person’s report was issued by police this morning after a Croydon man disappeared from Facebook. Friends fear the worst ...

Internet Entrepreneur's Mother Still Assumes He 'Fixes Computers' For Living

Internet Entrepreneur’s Mother Still Assumes He ‘Fixes Computers’ For Living

Friday, October 23, 2009 10:04

Inappropriately young but deceptively stubbled Internet Entrepreneur Anil Dot confirmed today that his mother still thinks he must be a computer ...

The Chuffington Post Part 2: LadyChuff answers her swollen mailbag

The Chuffington Post Part 2: LadyChuff answers her swollen mailbag

Tuesday, October 20, 2009 7:58

Dear Lady Chuff, As one of East London’s foremost self-proclaimed geeks, I was naturally one of the first to place an ...

Spambots Join Royal Mail Postal Strike. Viagra Emails May be Delayed for Xmas

Spambots Join Royal Mail Postal Strike. Viagra Emails May be Delayed for Xmas

Monday, October 12, 2009 9:51

Penis enlargement specialists and bereaved sons of murdered Ivory Coast businessmen were among the groups to voice their outrage today ...

Confirmed: General Election to be Held Online at SurveyMonkey.com

Confirmed: General Election to be Held Online at SurveyMonkey.com

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 8:57

The extent of government cost-cutting measures has been uncovered after a leaked first draft of the Prime Minister’s Labour Party ...

Brown Admits He Uses His Weekly Call with Obama to Tell Him to 'Check out my twitters'

Brown Admits He Uses His Weekly Call with Obama to Tell Him to ‘Check out my twitters’

Monday, September 28, 2009 9:34

President Obama shocked by-standers in a local In-N-Out Burger with the following tirade captured by a tramp with a Flip HD: [one-sided ...

“ChuffCamp 2009 – el campeón

“ChuffCamp 2009 – el campeón” by Miguel Arringones

Friday, September 25, 2009 10:28

Two months ago we rescued a slightly-soiled Miguel from the cesspit of the Honduran Web startup scene and ...

LFW Special: Agyness Deyn sez “I clicked the 'One Rule of Belly Fat Loss…' ad”

LFW Special: Agyness Deyn sez “I clicked the ‘One Rule of Belly Fat Loss…’ ad”

Wednesday, September 23, 2009 5:31

While TechChuff spends most of his time wearing bin liners while beating out lines of Python, staring at 'lingerie' sites ...

Katie Price Tells Skype to 'Stop Being Such A Money-Grabbing Bitch'

Katie Price Tells Skype to ‘Stop Being Such A Money-Grabbing Bitch’

Friday, September 18, 2009 8:57

Many news outlets are comparing the bitter 'I want half your shit Eddie' divorce of eBay and Skype to the ...

The Chuffington Post: LadyChuff Answers Your Questions.

The Chuffington Post: LadyChuff Answers Your Questions.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 8:30

Dear Readers. As the bastardy bastions of the Web, TechChuff has decided to act like a big fat Buddha, all sage-like ...

Day 1 in the ChuffCamp House: Someone is Peeing in The Milk Again.

Day 1 in the ChuffCamp House: Someone is Peeing in The Milk Again.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009 7:47

Welcome to our live coverage of ChuffCamp 2009. Not only are we uploading our quippery and soundbites via AudioBoo and ...

Dragons' Den's Theo Paphitis Reveals 90% Stake in TechChuff.com

Dragons’ Den’s Theo Paphitis Reveals 90% Stake in TechChuff.com

Monday, August 31, 2009 13:58

TechChuff is skipping around the office dressed like a sexy chambermaid after closing a deal with serial entrepreneur Theo Paphitis which ...

Welcome Miguel Arringones to TechChuff

Welcome Miguel Arringones to TechChuff

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 9:19

Regular readers will know that at TechChuff our noted simple and accessible (read: slightly spazzy) journalistic style and integrity has ...

'Rockstar' Developer Can't Play Drums but Still Fired for Heroin-Fueled Orgy.

‘Rockstar’ Developer Can’t Play Drums but Still Fired for Heroin-Fueled Orgy.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 6:09

Senior HR directors at Netflix were left confused when their hiring policy of 'only recruiting rockstars' backfired horribly this week. Lead ...

IBM's DeepBlue Computer Beats Chess Grand Master in Arm Wrestle. End of World Ensues.

IBM’s DeepBlue Computer Beats Chess Grand Master in Arm Wrestle. End of World Ensues.

Friday, May 15, 2009 12:51

Limp-wristed geeks across the world trembled over the shocking news that Bartosz Socko, the Polish Chess GrandMaster, was defeated by ...

Microsoft forced to repeatedly state that Windows 7

Microsoft forced to repeatedly state that Windows 7 “wasn’t an April Fools Joke”

Friday, April 3, 2009 4:25

Bill Gates has been spending the last few days touring the country dressed as Pennyworth the Clown in an attempt ...

 Craig Admits Every Item on Craigslist Involves 'Erotic Services'.

Craig Admits Every Item on Craigslist Involves ‘Erotic Services’.

Monday, March 16, 2009 10:09

Craig Newmark.org , the allegedly money-phobic creator of the eponymous classifieds giant Craigslist, admitted today that every listing in every ...

Government Announces New UK CTO Position. Lord British Heads Shortlist.

Government Announces New UK CTO Position. Lord British Heads Shortlist.

Friday, March 6, 2009 6:57

Lord British, ruler of the online realm Britannia, is currently the bookies' favourite for the newly created government position of ...

Social Media

Shy people launch socially awkward media

Shy people launch socially awkward media

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 3:58

Article republished with permission from @theoraclespeak at The Oracle Speaks. Read and comment on the original post here. The global ...

Mark Zuckerberg to Star as Michael Cera Playing Nick Jonas Playing Andy Samberg Playing Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg in

Mark Zuckerberg to Star as Michael Cera Playing Nick Jonas Playing Andy Samberg Playing Jesse Eisenberg as Mark Zuckerberg in “ZUCK: The Film about Me”

Thursday, September 24, 2009 1:26

The Zuck. Love him gently or hate him naughtily with late-night phone calls to his parent's house telling them about ...

“Apparently This Food Won’t Just Photograph Itself” Explains Food Blogger’s Hungry Wife

Friday, August 14, 2009 8:48

The oft-noted practice of spending more time photographing your dinner for your beautiful specialist food blog than actually eating it, ...

'Attending Conferences' is the New 'Having A Job' in Today's Internet Industry

‘Attending Conferences’ is the New ‘Having A Job’ in Today’s Internet Industry

Monday, June 29, 2009 5:05

Startling research performed by Nazi scientists on small animals including beavers, has shown that more Internet professionals describe their vocation ...

Skype IM Chat Logs To be Turned Over to Government Office Gossip Tsar

Skype IM Chat Logs To be Turned Over to Government Office Gossip Tsar

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 12:13

Grim news today fellow idle-office workers. Skype have been forced to handover all instant messaging transcripts to the Government over ...

IBM's DeepBlue Computer Beats Chess Grand Master in Arm Wrestle. End of World Ensues.

IBM’s DeepBlue Computer Beats Chess Grand Master in Arm Wrestle. End of World Ensues.

Friday, May 15, 2009 12:51

Limp-wristed geeks across the world trembled over the shocking news that Bartosz Socko, the Polish Chess GrandMaster, was defeated by ...

NAMBLA Announces Social Media Strategy for 2009

NAMBLA Announces Social Media Strategy for 2009

Friday, February 20, 2009 7:56

The North American Man/Boy Love Association's Head of Marketing, Peter File, announced today their spectacular launch into online social media. The ...

Police Suspect @stephenfry of Being Cult Leader.

Police Suspect @stephenfry of Being Cult Leader.

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:25

Police have put an arrest warrant out for @stephenfry as government officials have declared his Twitter following to be officially ...

Snake Oil Retailer Advocates Social Media

Snake Oil Retailer Advocates Social Media

Monday, January 12, 2009 17:44

Clarke Stanley, the 'Rattlesnake King', today conducted a fascinating interview on the huge success he has had promoting his online ...

Robert Scoble Discovered to be Twitter Bot

Robert Scoble Discovered to be Twitter Bot

Thursday, January 8, 2009 6:09

Ex-microsoft defector and superblogger Robert Scoble, whose blog has been religiously read for years and now ...

Apple

International Committee of 'Cool Shit NOW' elects Jonathan Ives as CEO

International Committee of ‘Cool Shit NOW’ elects Jonathan Ives as CEO

Tuesday, June 29, 2010 11:54

‘Cool Shit’. Previously the murky domain of the brand marketers who employed the traditional arts of electro-convulsion therapy and drug-induced ...

iPhone Users Far Too Busy Downloading Applications to Actually Use Them

iPhone Users Far Too Busy Downloading Applications to Actually Use Them

Monday, September 21, 2009 8:10

iPhone users are spending so much time downloading new applications for their device that they leave themselves little or no ...

Apple Admit to Implementing 'Augmented Reality' Code in all Mac Owners

Apple Admit to Implementing ‘Augmented Reality’ Code in all Mac Owners

Friday, September 4, 2009 3:45

'Augmented Reality' is just so hot. It's mere existence is augmenting your reality right now into thinking that it's even ...

“Microsoft Loving MacBoys” Headline Confuses You

Tuesday, January 6, 2009 13:12

Today's headline proclaiming "Microsoft loving MacBoys" has confused readers while they read this headline. Unsure if Microsoft are in fact in ...

Web 2.0

Survey: Modern Women Rank 'Having A Big Box of Random Cables' a Must-Have in a Man

Survey: Modern Women Rank ‘Having A Big Box of Random Cables’ a Must-Have in a Man

Monday, November 16, 2009 8:21

What do these modern women want? A dashingly handsome gent with all his own teeth and no priors?  A successful ...

The Chuffington Post Pt 3: LadyChuff Waves Back

The Chuffington Post Pt 3: LadyChuff Waves Back

Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:25

Dear Lady Chuff, Please can I have a Google Wave invite please? Thanks enormously, Everyone, everywhere, all the time ------------------------ Dear, sweet, innocent readers, It’s clear ...

Google Ad-Funded HealthCare Proposal Approved by Senate

Google Ad-Funded HealthCare Proposal Approved by Senate

Monday, November 2, 2009 11:16

In a sudden turn of events, Barack Obama's healthcare reforms have been put on hold and replaced by a bill ...

Local Man Tells of Incredible Escape From Unfunny Email Thread.

Local Man Tells of Incredible Escape From Unfunny Email Thread.

Friday, October 2, 2009 7:29

A local man was found by police after his daring escape trapped in a deeply-inappropriate email thread for nearly 4 ...

 TechChuff Reviews New Dan Brown Internet Thriller: 'The Lost # Symbol'

TechChuff Reviews New Dan Brown Internet Thriller: ‘The Lost # Symbol’

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 19:06

TechChuff is proud to be known as the 'Dan Brown of the Tech Industry' with our carefree approach to 'facts' ...

Jamie Oliver Revealed as Mastermind Behind Last Night’s Gmail Outage

Jamie Oliver Revealed as Mastermind Behind Last Night’s Gmail Outage

Wednesday, September 2, 2009 14:13

TV golden boy Jamie Oliver is behind bars tossing salad for real after it was revealed he and his ...

Spotify Fans in Uproar as Earth Continues to Turn Despite App Store Victory

Spotify Fans in Uproar as Earth Continues to Turn Despite App Store Victory

Friday, August 28, 2009 6:14

Extremely hip and 'ja it's just like ja so amazing' fans of music streaming service Spotify were today devastated that ...

Rap / Web 2.0 Crossover Album to Help Cash-Strapped Startups

Rap / Web 2.0 Crossover Album to Help Cash-Strapped Startups

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 7:05

Jay-Z and Mike Arrington combine together in potentially the most inappropriate musical-mashup since the time someone 'accidently' played Megadeth at ...

ChuffCamp69 - Submit Your Company

ChuffCamp69 - Submit Your Company

Monday, June 29, 2009 16:02

We at TechChuff invite your company on stage at this year's annual ChuffCamp 69. We put the 69 most ...

Breaking: eBay to sell office chairs back to Ikea

Breaking: eBay to sell office chairs back to Ikea

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 21:04

Hot on the heels of the shocking news that in the space of just two days eBay had agreed a ...

Web 2.0 Startup Gets £10 Funding Round from Mate's Dad.

Web 2.0 Startup Gets £10 Funding Round from Mate’s Dad.

Sunday, February 15, 2009 17:18

Who says it's all doom and gloom when it comes to VC funding in the current economic climate?  Wank.io, the ...

Google Android Eats Owner. Blows Up Police Helicopter. Still on the Rampage.

Google Android Eats Owner. Blows Up Police Helicopter. Still on the Rampage.

Friday, February 13, 2009 10:26

Over-enthusiastic Google employees accidentally released the Google Android into the wild last night. The 30-foot tall, fire-breathing, laser-eyed robot with ...

Facebook to Make Money Selling Your Data to Your Mom

Facebook to Make Money Selling Your Data to Your Mom

Tuesday, February 3, 2009 6:28

Facebook's perpetually 24-year-old founder, Mark Zuckerberg, announced today that they have plans to monetize their enormous user base by selling ...

Survey : Grandmas are Clueless About Cloud Computing

Survey : Grandmas are Clueless About Cloud Computing

Sunday, February 1, 2009 18:26

Saga Holidays, who specialise in holidays for the over 50s,  have recently published a survey on the latest technological revolution ...

AOL Puts Bebo up for Sale as Parts

AOL Puts Bebo up for Sale as Parts

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 17:44

AOL CEO, Mr Aol, confirmed rumors that their $800m investment in Bebo, a sort of Teletubby version of Facebook, was ...

'What recession?

‘What recession?”, Says CEO of Online Pet-Dating Startup

Sunday, January 25, 2009 5:55

Despite the dire economic times and contraction of advertising spends across all industries, the internet start-up world remains somehow shielded ...

Snopes.com Debunked as a Hoax

Snopes.com Debunked as a Hoax

Tuesday, January 6, 2009 12:48

Legendary urban legend debunking site www.snopes.com has been revealed to be a hoax after all. After nearly 14 ...

Gadgets

Sony to Sell Albums Online on 78rpm Gramophone Disk to Combat Piracy.

Sony to Sell Albums Online on 78rpm Gramophone Disk to Combat Piracy.

Friday, October 9, 2009 5:47

Sony, whose relentless ability to be the 'shitty difficult child at any party', have just announced their cack-fisted re-entry into ...

'My Mate's iPod' Secures DJ'ing Gig at Ministry of Sound

‘My Mate’s iPod’ Secures DJ’ing Gig at Ministry of Sound

Monday, October 5, 2009 4:08

The music world was rocked today as superstars DJs discovered that my mate's iPod will be DJ'ing at Ministry of ...

Daimler Takes Stake in Electric Radio-Controlled Car Company

Daimler Takes Stake in Electric Radio-Controlled Car Company

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 15:57

News has hitting the wire all day with the speed and accuracy of blindfolded chimps throwing shit at each other. ...

Sky Announce 3D Televisions by Year End. Big-Nosed Celebs and Porn Stars Panic.

Sky Announce 3D Televisions by Year End. Big-Nosed Celebs and Porn Stars Panic.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:51

Sky have announced that they will start trialing 3D television technology by the end of 2009. Their proposed technology options ...

Local Mother Assumes Fax Machine 'Must be Teleporter'

Local Mother Assumes Fax Machine ‘Must be Teleporter’

Monday, March 2, 2009 5:25

In our weekly human interest story we bring you the heartbreaking tale of Mrs Janet Constance from London, England, Europe. Janet ...

Father Dies Copying DVD to Floppy Disks. Unhelpful Son Jailed.

Father Dies Copying DVD to Floppy Disks. Unhelpful Son Jailed.

Thursday, February 12, 2009 12:49

A father of 2 died of exasperation after spending 3 weeks backing up classic dad DVD 'The Seven Samurai' to ...

Sony to Work with Ikea to Deliver More Pointlessly Proprietary Formats

Sony to Work with Ikea to Deliver More Pointlessly Proprietary Formats

Thursday, January 8, 2009 18:26

Sony Corporation and Ikea Systems B.V. joined forces last night to further impose their quirky disregard for any sort of ...

Netbooks for Tall People Scam Revealed

Netbooks for Tall People Scam Revealed

Thursday, January 8, 2009 5:52

Surveys performed by Techchuff have uncovered the dirty secret of the laptop industry which they have been exploiting and abusing ...

Media

“Everything Old is Dead”, Declares Entire Internet

Monday, January 11, 2010 12:04

The music industry.  Dead. Traditional journalism.  Deader. You've Been Framed.  DEADEST. The murderer? The Internet. In shocking admission the Internet has admitted ...

Moon-based Servers Only Hope for Bitorrent Trackers

Moon-based Servers Only Hope for Bitorrent Trackers

Friday, November 27, 2009 7:48

The Moon bitches. That's right. The Moon. The Piratebay have just landed a Dual Xeon Apache server in the Sea ...

Tablet PCs Plagued by Some Kind of 'Badly-Drawn Cock' Virus

Tablet PCs Plagued by Some Kind of ‘Badly-Drawn Cock’ Virus

Friday, November 13, 2009 9:43

The tablet PC has always been the preserve of the 'artistes' among us: 'the traffic warden', 'the bit-too-white waitress in ...

CTO Who Claimed He 'Wore Two Hats' at Work Fired for NOT WEARING A HAT AT ALL.

CTO Who Claimed He ‘Wore Two Hats’ at Work Fired for NOT WEARING A HAT AT ALL.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 6:52

Fred Bearcruft of online cat-spaying website, www.spaypal.com, admitted today that his claims of 'wearing both a technology and marketing hat' ...

Dixons' Insider Leaks Original Draft for New Tube Campaign

Dixons’ Insider Leaks Original Draft for New Tube Campaign

Saturday, September 26, 2009 9:00

Dixons really is the last place you ever should go. [caption id="attachment_812" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="I don't want a 80 quid laptop ...

Yahoo To Unveil Relaunch As 'Online Web Site'

Yahoo To Unveil Relaunch As ‘Online Web Site’

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 2:35

Search Business. Technology Company. Directory. News Aggregator. Lifestyle Portal. Media Owner. Badly Run Web 1.0 Dinosaur. Dissent Blogger Killer. Some ...

Man claims having sex with cleaner is part of his 'fair use policy'

Man claims having sex with cleaner is part of his ‘fair use policy’

Saturday, March 14, 2009 15:53

A local nerd was caught today in flagrante delicto with his Polish cleaner by his pan-wielding wife but managed to ...

Old Media is Dead. Murdoch Reassigns All Journalists to 'Top 10' List Writing Duties

Old Media is Dead. Murdoch Reassigns All Journalists to ‘Top 10′ List Writing Duties

Monday, March 2, 2009 17:12

The war between old media and new media was declared over today. The trebuchet of irrationality fired it's final payload ...

Facebook Announce 'The Joker' Joining Board as Advisor of Evil

Facebook Announce ‘The Joker’ Joining Board as Advisor of Evil

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 4:19

Mark Zuckerberg, 15, has responded to criticism about the recent failed changes to Facebook's Terms of Service with the news ...

Ex-CEO of Yahoo, Jerry Yang, Wins Oscar for Best Actor

Ex-CEO of Yahoo, Jerry Yang, Wins Oscar for Best Actor

Monday, February 23, 2009 6:02

In a surprising turn of events Jerry Yang beat the favourites, Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn, for the coveted Best ...

Mother Spends Almost as Much Time Looking after Baby as She Does Discussing it on Internet

Mother Spends Almost as Much Time Looking after Baby as She Does Discussing it on Internet

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 7:31

Fabulous mother of 1, full-time mother and surprisingly beautiful mother of beautiful child, Jane McPhee 35, admitted today that she'd ...

Internets to the Rescue! Man Impales Face on Shovel and Gets Help from Yahoo! Answers!

Internets to the Rescue! Man Impales Face on Shovel and Gets Help from Yahoo! Answers!

Monday, February 9, 2009 15:19

Tom Johnson was found dead in his shed today after falling from a chair and landing face first onto a ...

Man Clicks on Banner Advert 9 Years ago. Still Clicking Today.

Man Clicks on Banner Advert 9 Years ago. Still Clicking Today.

Sunday, February 1, 2009 3:03

A New York man was discovered in his apartment yesterday after being presuming missing for the last 9 years. Billy ...

CTU Analyst Fired for Only Doing Real Stuff with Computers.

CTU Analyst Fired for Only Doing Real Stuff with Computers.

Sunday, January 18, 2009 7:18

Today the fictional US Counter Terrorist Unit fired John Wyllie, a newly hired analyst, for only really being able to ...

Newspapers, Which are Made of Wood, Declare Google to be Carbon-Inefficient.

Newspapers, Which are Made of Wood, Declare Google to be Carbon-Inefficient.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:16

Reports are flooding in from newspapers around the world as unread, misquoted research from Harvard states that 'Two Google searches ...