Local Mother Assumes Fax Machine ‘Must be Teleporter’
In our weekly human interest story we bring you the heartbreaking tale of Mrs Janet Constance from London, England, Europe.
Janet was attempting to use the family fax machine for the first time to send a document to a car hire company who refused to move into the 21st century. Hearing her frustrated cries her son popped his head around the corner to see what the issue was, expecting to see Simon Cowell’s smug face on TV. He was surprised to find his mother standing over the fax machine shouting:
“This stupid thing must be broken. My document is still here.”
Her son was shell shocked. He was forced to stop and think through the ramifications of his mother’s simple words.
“Based on what she said either she thought the piece of paper gets rolled up really really tightly and fired down the phone line, or the fax machine is an actual working teleportation device.”
He was faced with the stark option of having to explain how digitization, Modified Huffman image compression, modem transmission and thermal printing works to his mother or just pretend it really was a teleporter.
“I took the easy route. I left her believing we had mastered the ability to transit an object bit-by-bit via a phone line nearly 40 years ago. I sold her on the future of getting her weekly shopping delivered using fax technology. I made her believe ‘The Fly’ was a piece of evil anti-teleportation propaganda from the government. I did what I had to do.”
What her son did was shocking, cold-hearted and totally expected from a weasely 15-year old. He asked his mother to quickly leave the room, then sent the fax and threw away the original, proclaiming “Ta-da it’s gone now.” The grateful and enlightened look on his mother’s face made his lie even more hard to bear as it dawned on him that he’ll be sending faxes in their house from now on.
As technology moves faster and faster the metaphors we’ve used for our parents to explain how computers operate become useless as the internet revolutionises how we work. Making them understand the abstract notion of Web 2.0 means explanations such as:
‘Your computer is like your office. And this folder is like a filing cabinet. No wait, this hard drive called ‘C’ is like the filing cabinet and this folder is like your nice leather folder full of files which are like these computer files. Yes, Notepad is like your notepad and Paint is your canvas. Exactly like that.’
now have to evolve to:
“Your computer is like a ephemeral entity. A concept. A floating ghost which is connected with wispy strands of light and knowledge to other nodes with their collective intelligence and conversation delivering rounded corners and dancing hamsters from the cloud gods into your eye receivers.”
TechChuff thinks that sounds freaking sweet. We’ve gotta git us some dem eye receivers.