CTO Who Claimed He ‘Wore Two Hats’ at Work Fired for NOT WEARING A HAT AT ALL.

Fred Bearcruft of online cat-spaying website, www.spaypal.com, admitted today that his claims of ‘wearing both a technology and marketing hat’ while in the office, left his hat-obsessed boss confused, enraged and slightly engorged.

Fred’s boss, a millionaire ex-milliner was shocked to discover that despite Fred claims in interview, he arrived at work without a hat on his head.

“He sat there and told me his great strength was the ability to ‘wear different hats’ at work. He said he had a ‘marketing hat’, a ‘technology hat’ and an ‘analytical hat’ – all of which he would put on in our project meetings. I was pretty excited. He seemed like he had a great chapeaux collection. I imagined a fedora, a pillbox, a fleet of berets or a straw boater, I even fascinated that his ‘analytical hat’ was a vintage 1930′s Panama. I was fucking sorely disappointed.”

The melon hat is the most important hat for any organisation.

The lime hat is the most important hat for any organisation.

Fred was faced on his first day with a red-faced CEO spluttering at the door, “Good GOD man. I can see your bloody pate. WHERE IS YOUR HAT?”

After 25 minutes of careful explanation, pencil sketches and finger-puppetry, Fred’s boss finally understood the metaphor.

“That is fucking stupid. If you claim to wear a hat, WEAR A HAT. You want to wear a ‘project manager’s hat’ in my fucking meeting then you are wearing a goddamn yellow hard hat. And you’ll like it. I’m the CEO so I’m going to start dressing as a circus ringmaster and wearing a flipping top hat to work. “

Whispers that Black-Hat SEO experts all wear brown flat-caps is still rumoured to be true, while ‘I’m wearing my trucker hat to this meeting’ still means you are a douche bag regardless of meaning.

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    1. But there’s one thing about Fred that can’t be argued. He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind…

      John E. Bredehoft on October 13, 2009 Reply
    2. Because his friends don’t dance. And if they don’t dance…

      Right Said Fred on October 17, 2009 Reply

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