CTO Who Claimed He ‘Wore Two Hats’ at Work Fired for NOT WEARING A HAT AT ALL.
Fred Bearcruft of online cat-spaying website, www.spaypal.com, admitted today that his claims of ‘wearing both a technology and marketing hat’ while in the office, left his hat-obsessed boss confused, enraged and slightly engorged.
Fred’s boss, a millionaire ex-milliner was shocked to discover that despite Fred claims in interview, he arrived at work without a hat on his head.
“He sat there and told me his great strength was the ability to ‘wear different hats’ at work. He said he had a ‘marketing hat’, a ‘technology hat’ and an ‘analytical hat’ – all of which he would put on in our project meetings. I was pretty excited. He seemed like he had a great chapeaux collection. I imagined a fedora, a pillbox, a fleet of berets or a straw boater, I even fascinated that his ‘analytical hat’ was a vintage 1930′s Panama. I was fucking sorely disappointed.”
Fred was faced on his first day with a red-faced CEO spluttering at the door, “Good GOD man. I can see your bloody pate. WHERE IS YOUR HAT?”
After 25 minutes of careful explanation, pencil sketches and finger-puppetry, Fred’s boss finally understood the metaphor.
“That is fucking stupid. If you claim to wear a hat, WEAR A HAT. You want to wear a ‘project manager’s hat’ in my fucking meeting then you are wearing a goddamn yellow hard hat. And you’ll like it. I’m the CEO so I’m going to start dressing as a circus ringmaster and wearing a flipping top hat to work. “
Whispers that Black-Hat SEO experts all wear brown flat-caps is still rumoured to be true, while ‘I’m wearing my trucker hat to this meeting’ still means you are a douche bag regardless of meaning.