Facebook Announce ‘The Joker’ Joining Board as Advisor of Evil
Mark Zuckerberg, 15, has responded to criticism about the recent failed changes to Facebook’s Terms of Service with the news that he will be bringing The Joker onto the Board to help them to ‘Do More Evil’.
Despite widespread condemnation around the privacy and data protection issues that the new ToS would entail, Facebook lamely buckled to the public outcry and their legal team reversed their position days later. For Mark Zuckerberg it proved that the ‘Evil’ competency was clearly lacking in his organisation and corporate DNA:
“I want my boys to be cold-blooded harbingers of doom. I want them to push old ladies over, use their iPhone to cheat at pub quizzes and sell our user data and plutonium to the Chinese Government. I didn’t work this hard, get this many users and generate this amount of hype to use it all for ‘good’. That is what I call in my latest book, being a ‘big fucking pussy’. Google think they have a monopoly on being evil? Bah. We’ve got the Joker. Wait till they get a load of him!”
Arkham Asylum’s Investor Relations Team allowed us to interview the Joker despite the delicate nature of his move, as he continues his humanitarian efforts with Gotham City before moving to Facebook.
“Yes. You see Bob, it’s all part of the plan. My strategy for Facebook will involve hugely elaborate schemes which seem so complicated, so hinged on coincidence and requiring so many explosives, that when I do pull it off I’ll get a 5+ for my appraisal at year-end. I’ll show you… when the chips are down, these ‘civilized people’, they’ll use Friendster.“
Currently his first project will be one of: ‘either you sacrifice the NewsFeed or we’ll blow-up your entire family on a ferry boat who also have a detonator for a C4 bomb at the GooglePlex’ or ‘Certain combinations of Facebook Applications will kill you through uncontrollable laughter and the locking of your facial muscles in a rictus grin.’ Love that Joker!
We declined to shake the Joker’s 240V buzzer-clad hand and asked Mark how he felt this would make a difference to Facebook’s growth in ’09.
“You see I realised we weren’t being imaginative enough. We weren’t being malevolent enough. Selling your data to advertisers? Claiming copyright to your photos and status posts? Pah. Amateur hour. You see I’m not a monster, I’m just ahead of the curve. We needed a supervillian, you know, a real evil nutjob with the face of a clown and the mind of a serial killer. Microsoft have Steve Ballmer. We now have the Joker.”
Holy Internet Domination Batman! We at TechChuff could only ask as the youthful billionaire drove off in his jet-powered sports car back to Facebook HQ: where does he get all those wonderful toys?