Man claims having sex with cleaner is part of his ‘fair use policy’

A local nerd was caught today in flagrante delicto with his Polish cleaner by his pan-wielding wife but managed to weasel his way of the situation by claiming it was part of his ‘fair use policy’.

Head of the MPAA

Head of the MPAA

‘Fair use’ is usually related to copyright work and the ability to use such work without the permission of the rights owner. The term is usually heard squealed at high pitch by Internet Privacy advocates, Technology ‘experts’ and illegal music downloaders whenever questioned about their actions or communistic internet viewpoints. However the claim of ‘fair use’ related to having extra-marital sex with your immigrant house-staff has set the legal world buzzing with excitement and giddy nervousness given how fucking boring lawyers’ jobs are and how much they’d like to have inconsequential sex with their secretaries.

John Wibbleworth, a 26 year-old PHP developer from Idaho, gave the following statement to TechChuff:

“Look guys, I know the law here. You Nazi assholes are fucking with my liberties. I am a real person with virtual rights. I live in the USA and I have the right to jailbreak my Iphone and install 3rd party apps. It’s totally the same thing man. I paid this woman to clean my house and I have the right to have sex with her without paying her any more or anyone giving me shit about it.  If you rob me of my right to screw my cleaner, modchip my Playstation or lipdub songs on Youtube, then you might as well chop my hands off and send me to do 10 years of hard labour in a Chinese concrete factory.”

Internet freedom fighting supermen, Cory Doctorow and Lawrence Lessig were quick to don their capes of justice, fire up their Twitter Clients of pedantic quippery and lend their 15 dollars worth of 2 cents to the debate:

Mr Doctorow, a hot-air ballooning activist and part-time life insurance calculator in favor of liberalising copyright laws remarked:

“The DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act), which prevents people circumventing copyright technology, is the modern day equivalent of King Herold’s Massacre of the Innocents Act of 1AD. The fact that I’m not allowed to watch the Daily Show on Youtube stabs me in the heart with the same dread as the death of all first-borns in the luxury gated community I live in. Being able to do what the fuck you want with whatever or whomever is the God-given right of all us gun-toting Americans. “

Lawrence Lessig, the founder member of the Creative Commons movement, chipped in with:

“Creative Commons is just a slip of the tongue away from a Creative Come-On and that’s what happened to this poor chap. This gentleman was well within his rights to use his cleaner in this way. He paid upfront for her to clean his house and therefore should be able to sleep with her, paint her blue, get her to voice act the Bill Murray parts from Ghostbusters II or even sell her into the white slave trade under a Creative Commons license, without you freakin’ nuts giving him a hard time. This is the biggest fight for human freedom since we overthrew our monkey overlords and Charlton Heston led us out of ape bondage into this battle for regular bondage.”

TechChuff remains opposed to such liberal views on copyright and adultery given our current sponsorship deal with RIAA. We remind all you parasitic, bittorrenting scumbags that if you read this article and repeat any part to anyone without paying us then we’ll hunt you down, sue you for lost earnings and eat your kids. Be afraid.

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