Tablet PCs Plagued by Some Kind of ‘Badly-Drawn Cock’ Virus

The tablet PC has always been the preserve of the ‘artistes’ among us: ‘the traffic warden’, ‘the bit-too-white waitress in Wagamamas’ and ‘that bloke in Design who walks around in flip-flops with a tablet PC in one hand, a hand-carved bamboo stylus in the other and a look of pixel-perfect concern across his face’.

However as tablet PC’s gain popularity, Apple Tablet rumours grow and with Microsoft announcing their new ‘Compass’ tablet platform, reports are flooding in of a strange virus hitting these new machines. Specifically we are getting complaints from users hit by MS Paint inexplicably displaying an image of what can only be described as a ‘pretty badly-drawn cock’.

Artist's Impression of this Strange Computer Apparition

Artist's Impression of this Strange Computerised Apparition

Mrs Bullough stated to us: “I bought this tablet PC to help me to do something really cool or artistic or something. I get it home, put it on the dining table and go to the toilet. I get back, turn it on and lo-and-behold, out of nowhere there is a GIANT COCK drawn on MS Paint and also set as my desktop wallpaper. My husband who was nearby was just as shocked”

Her husband sympathised: “I was just as shocked. It’s disgusting. I blame Microsoft. I mean who would think you could draw such a decent looking cock with a stylus. I mean ‘in-theory’.”

While the badly-drawn cock phenomenon over the years has been attributed to ‘pissed men with biros in toilets’ and ‘bored students with a brand new biology text book’, recently it had seemed that the computer mouse would spell an end to the human-generated versions of this ideological construct. The level of skill required to freehand draw even an extremely anatomically-incorrect representation of the male member with a mouse, had put the option of a ‘quick nob on my mate’s Powerpoint presentation’ only in the well-trained hands of the CounterStrike players amongst us.

Clearly this latest computerised outbreak is beyond explanation, so while most tabloid and technology outlets are blaming a Windows 7 bug, we will just have to agree with them. Nothing to do with the fact our flatmate has invested in a tablet PC and is looking FAR TOO FUCKING SMUG for his own good.

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