LFW Special: Agyness Deyn sez “I clicked the ‘One Rule of Belly Fat Loss…’ ad”
While TechChuff spends most of his time wearing bin liners while beating out lines of Python, staring at ‘lingerie’ sites and beating our Python, we have been told that Fashion and Technology do occasionally meet outside of $25-a-month subscription sites. We sent our one-legged female reporter LadyChuff on the hunt for a story and some tainted coke during London Fashion Week:
Ah, London Fashion Week. While LadyChuff is drawn to it like a middle-class crack addict to high-class whoring, she couldn’t help but notice the recession has had a derogatory effect on even its once-sparkling temples of glamour.
Take beleaguered designer Mark Fast, for example. Unable to afford proper models nor make them fast for weeks on end (oh sweet surname irony), he was forced to make do with size 14 ones who could do little but wobble their way down the catwalk, do a quick turn, before snorting 15 Dunkin’ Donuts and wheezing back.
Model-du-jour and professional faminista Agyness ‘The Set Square’ Deyn, though, whose more appropriate size 0.00021 frame graced all 230 pages of Vogue last month, revealed the secret to staying corpse-chic last night.
“Me and Grimmy were, like, totally on the Facebook when we saw this ad about this ‘one wierd old tip to losing stomach fat‘, yeah?”
“I had to find out right? Turns out the rule was really really simple, yeah? It was like just have your stomach and other non-vital organs removed and replaced with plastic tubing , daily vitamin injections and an mp3 player preloaded with British electropop and afterwards you can totally wear whatever you want? I mean it was only $15 to download the pdf and $6000 for the actual operation – bargainous right?”
Deyn paused to adjust some of her tubes and pour some Issey Miyake limited-edition WD-40 in the newly mounted valve in her left leg.
“It’s totally amazing, because now I look, like, amay-zuhn in a leather catsuit and Grimmy looks totally cool in his skinny jeans, even though we’re both the same shape and pallor as carrot batons? Like, how cool is that?”
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, 14 years old and now only 6 stone, admitted he was incredibly proud of his advertising platform in ensuring that everyone and anyone could have access to secret fatloss tips, free T-Pain ringtones and breathtaking opportunities working for Sergey and Larry in the comfort of your own home.