Government Announces New UK CTO Position. Lord British Heads Shortlist.
Lord British, ruler of the online realm Britannia, is currently the bookies’ favourite for the newly created government position of Chief Technology Officer of the UK. After the US announced that their CIO, Vivek Kundra would be commencing his duties this week, Gordon Brown was keen to prove the UK was ‘just as cool as well as just as fucked’ as the US.
Lord British is the alter-ego of Richard Garriot, the inventor of the wildly successful Ultima role-playing games, who dresses up as a sexy, scrofulous Medival King in his spare time as well as taking the occasional $30m trip into outer space. He is said to be very touched to be considered especially given he’s a fictional character in a video game.
“You know I am totally bonkers right? I live in Texas, make video games with orcs and stuff, and pretend I’m the king of my virtual kingdom. Gordon said I sounded perfect.”
Other candidates for this role include Dominik Diamond, presenter of the early 90′s gaming show GamesMaster, Stephen Fry, Peter Molyneux, the MillionDollar HomePage kid, some bloke in Whitehall IT and Brains the Dog from Inspector Gadget.
Government spokesperson, Amanda Hugenkz, said today:
“CTO. Computer Telephone Operator. Whatever it stands for, we need one of these. We are aware of computers in our country and need someone to be co-ordinating our strategy to tackle this threat. My children helped come up with this short list and we feel that we have the right group of nerds to pick from. What will they be doing? Twitter, Internet, Social Services Media, Motherboards, Cybersex – whatever is hot right now, they’ll do. “
The salary associated with the role is rumoured to be £693,000 a year and come with various perks including a free Gold subscription to Xbox Live, two houses and four iPhones.
Peter Molyneux, Head of Lionhead Game Studio, responsed to the rumours with:
“My goal as CTO would be to provide the country options of constantly chosing Good or Evil in their lives and see both Government policy and their appearance change because of this. And everyone will get a biological life guide called a Dog. And a copy of Fable 2. And a bust of my head for the mantle piece which spouts techno-bullshit on the hour.”
TechChuff welcomes this clammy-handed embrace of technology and hopes this role will also involve supervising multi-billion pound Government IT contracts and then laughing at the resulting computerised clusterfuck.