Fact: 87% of Hot Women’s Computer Issues Triggered Remotely by IT Support
In mind-bending research conducted by eminent Oxford don Professor Quacky McKickBack, it has been statistically proven that most IT issues that attractive ladies encounter in the workplace are caused deliberately by swooning IT support staff.
The research, sponsored by AdultFriendFinder, the Sunbed Association, Thomas Cook and Marlboro, has shown that the single men on the IT helpdesk remotely disable the computers of good-looking female staff on a regular basis.
Often these women-haters trigger fatal blue screens, Outlook crashes or colossal Internet failures on cute girls’ desktops in a specific order of ‘hotness’. They can then sit back, take the calls and then work the floor, one girl to the next, each time saving the day with simple reboot.
“Yes it’s true. These gorgeous women are looking for a hero. I am that hero. Is it really a crime that we are causing these computer malfunctions? Is it a crime to steal flat screen monitors from my workplace? Is it? You know I’ve seen that film ‘Unbreakable’? I’m their Mr Glass and these women are my Bruce Willises.”
Once this ‘hero-victim’ rapport has been established then Phase II begins where idle chit-chat about X-Factor, 2-4-1 drink vouchers at the local bar and lunches to Pret are accompanied with the mental mantra: ‘You can trust me. I’m your friend. I’m not threatening. I’m a shoulder to cry on. Let’s open a bottle of Jacob’s Creek and watch Top Gun. I’ll even cry when Goose dies. Oops you’re having sex with me.”
Professor McKickBack’s DNA testing has proven that these are merely crocodile tears.
TechChuff is disgusted by such blatantly sexy sexism. We warn all pretty ladyfolk to be wary of unreliable laptops and overly-friendly IT support staff sporting ethernet cables and massive erections.