Spambots Join Royal Mail Postal Strike. Viagra Emails May be Delayed for Xmas
Penis enlargement specialists and bereaved sons of murdered Ivory Coast businessmen were among the groups to voice their outrage today after thousands of Spambots pledged their support to striking Royal Mail staff.
The Spambot, Zombie Net and Web Phishers Union (SZNWPU) said it would back a strike by postal workers, after the threat of added security from new technology developments such as Microsoft Security Essentials, became ‘too much’.
“We just can’t see any alternative any more,” explained union leader BigJamie23. “We live under the constant threat of modernisation. We work on commission, but the chances someone will actually be stupid enough to enter their card details into a site which looks as though it has been made by a brain-damaged two-year-old are becoming slimmer and slimmer by the day.
“We’re overworked, underpaid and not enough of us are allowed to ride bicycles.”
But Barry Bertison, benefactor of the European-British Mega Jackpot Winnings Lotto!!!!!!!!!! which relies on a random email balloting system to source contact details for winners, said the strike could affect his organisation.
“We use these authorised Spambots to randomly select lucky winners of our MEGA JACKPOT WINNINGS LOTTO!!! and notify them that they have won MILLIONS of their GREAT BRITISH POUNDS. How else are we supposed to notify our randomly-selected winners that they have won these MILLIONS of their GREAT BRITISH POUNDS?
“We’re just trying to provide a service: by turning thousands of miserable poor people into happy millionaires, we’re virtually injecting virtually millions into the economy every month. I basically think the government should see negotiations with the Spambot union as top priority: I’m pretty sure for the UK, recovering from the recession will be much harder without us.”
Viagra distributors were quick to echo the sentiment today: “YES. MUCH MUCH HARDER”.