Mayhem as Woman in Need of Nokia Charger Emails Entire Company
Massive loss of life was barely averted today when an admin at a multinational telecoms firm, one Anne Slydell, caused chaos by emailing the entire company distribution list asking to borrow a Nokia phone charger.
What seemed to be initially an innocent piece of incompetence and narrow-mindedness, descended quickly into a Reply-To-All whirlpool of despair as mild annoyance threatened to turn into cold-blooded murder.
Eyewitnesses reported that at 11am this morning Anne noticed she’d forgotten to charge her aging Nokia 3300 and was perilously close to running low on battery. In an act of what in hind sight can only be described as psychotic behaviour, she emailed the email alias for the whole building with the simple words
“Sorry for the spam but does anyone have a Nokia charger I can borrow?”
Minutes later a co-worker ‘accidentally’ replied to all with
“Do I look like fucking Dixons?”
Suddenly from that point the email floodgates had opened and madness had spread as her colleagues mild-retardation further pushed the Reply-to-all button and people’s will to live to their limits
“I’ve got one but it’s 4 a Sony Ericson and it’s at home”
“LOL Silly old Anne! ;), I’ll see you tonite for our bridge session :):) xxxxx”
“STOP REPLYING TO ALL YOU STUPID BASTARDS”
“I guess if everyone is replying then does anyone want a couple of tickets to see Girls Aloud tonight?”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP”
“All. Please stop replying to this thread. Any further emails will result in severe disciplinary action. Email is not a right. It’s a gift. Yours Douglas Jones, Head of Sales”
“Thanks for all the offers – got a charger now – thanks :)”
At this point, senior IT staff disabled Anne’s email account and one of their network admins went to her desk and beat her round the head with her keyboard. Police later commented that last year alone 14 people were killed by co-workers in ‘reply-to-all’ incidents and as more and more stupid people are allowed to use computers – this number will only rise.
This follows the actual news announcement that Neilsen are to delete the reply-to-all button to avoid such scenarios.