‘Attending Conferences’ is the New ‘Having A Job’ in Today’s Internet Industry

Startling research performed by Nazi scientists on small animals including beavers, has shown that more Internet professionals describe their vocation as ‘attending conferences‘ than the more traditional choice of ‘having a job’.

Given the current economic conditions the decline of previous number 1 choice of ‘running an idiotic Web 2.0 startup using someone else’s  money’ was unsurprising but the related rise of ‘microblogging about microblogging’ and ‘organising craaazy flashmobs in enclosed spaces on behalf of terrorist splinter-cells groups armed with sarin nerve gas‘ has shaken the industry to it’s core.

Where the Emperor comes to get his new job

Where the Emperor comes to get his new job

While ‘conference attending’ , ‘blogging about conference attending’ and ‘going to hot parties after attending a conference’  may now be legitimate professions, economists are concerned what happens when ‘the conferences run out’.

Hal Varian, the ironically tall microeconomist was quick to comment:

‘ My concern is what happens if these conferences struggle to justify the £250 eye-gouging per day and go out of business? Will we see the Twitterati forced to hang out at the Ideal Home Show, the  2010 Lawn Mower Trade Expo or Coal-Generation Europe? Can their hive-ego survive such events?’

Additionally Digital Conference owners reminded us that they are extremely dependant on this core group of professional Internet conference-attendees:

‘Our studies have shown that conferences need this core group of regular identikit attendees milling about having the same conversations they had at the last conference or hot party heroically wearing badges and lanyards like Vietnam dog-tags. It’s just like running a mental aslyum. You want the regulars in place jibbering about nothing just to make the newbies feel at home. And then you electroshock them. With a sales pitch they cannot refuse!’

However a spokeperson for ‘hot parties’ felt that people working in their industry can consider it a true career and a job for life as ‘leaning against a bar looking fucking cool’ and ‘dressing sluttily enough to draw attention but not so slutty that you can’t slap someone for offering you a grand for the night’ are key skills for the 21st century professional in digital and media.

Finally Moo.com were also extremely pleased with new people becoming  ‘pro business card hander-outers’ based on the rise of the huge number of cute moo cards being printed with the job title ‘pro business card hander-outer‘  emblazoned in Frutiger Bold 12 point in all lower-case.

Tickets for TechChuff’s annual conference ‘ChuffCamp 69′ held at The Griffin strip-pub in Clerkenwell go on sale for a pound a dance. Get yours today!

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  1. Where’s the ChuffChamp 69 microsite designed by (or copied from a design by) ClearLeft?

    Jesper on June 29, 2009 Reply
  2. I don’t mind people attending multiple conferences. What makes me go absolutely spare is their gift-wrapping the conference swag for birthdays, anniversaries and the like! Right now, I’ve got ten mini-calculators, eight “leather” notepads, twelve anti-stress squeeze balls, and the whole world full of bizarre ballpoint pens.

    Joe on July 1, 2009 Reply

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