“Apparently This Food Won’t Just Photograph Itself” Explains Food Blogger’s Hungry Wife
The oft-noted practice of spending more time photographing your dinner for your beautiful specialist food blog than actually eating it, has finally been explained by extremely-social scientists.
Interviewing Susan Moffat, the barely-7-stone wife of famous food blogger ‘MrSausage78′, it was revealed that the time spent carefully photographing every meal with a big D-SLR camera and blogging about it with gusto actually meant most of the food ends up cold, uneaten but extremely well documented.
“I am just so hungry. Whenever we go out for dinner I have to order the dish which would look the best from a composition point of view given the lighting and the ‘mood’ of the blog post. Then my extremely well-endowed husband pulls out his 13 megapixel Canon 5D Mark II with a ‘Black Prince’ edition lens and spends the next 20 minutes shooting my pressed marinated foie gras, Lincolnshire smoked eel, with a baked potato foam and dill sauce like a Sports Illustrated model on heat. I get so bored sometimes that I have time to pop to Chicken Cottage and eat a entire family bucket before he’s finished coaxing the best performance out of the piece of liver.
Gordon Ramsey revealed that he has actually started serving highly realistic plastic replicas of his meals to anyone turning up with an expensive over-the-shoulder camera bag to his restaurant:
“Fuck me these guys are hardcore. I’ve seen them make their wives eat our injection-molded acrylic mushroom sorbet and JUST SMILE FOR THE CAMERA YOU BITCH. I love it!’
TechChuff is still unsure on how true rumours are that TopTable.co.uk will just email you stock hi-def jpg images of your dishes rather than actually booking you into the restaurant to eat the meal. In the case of whatever restaurant Jay Rayner has just savaged last weekend – we can but hope.