Skype IM Chat Logs To be Turned Over to Government Office Gossip Tsar

Grim news today fellow idle-office workers. Skype have been forced to handover all instant messaging transcripts to the Government over an official complaint from Freedom of Information groups that: “there is some flipping gossip going at work that I dunno what is it but Bob and Kate is chatting about on the computer all day and then keep typing and laughing and stuff and I ain’t no idea who is screwing who or if Steve the racist got fired yet.”

Millions of dollars of Hitwise research time have been spent drawing and colouring pretty graphs and speculating that 80% of all Skype IM keystrokes are solely dedicated to the spread of office gossip and dissent. Given that the Government Digital Britain Representative is an crayon picture of a headless sheep, they were quick to jump on this fact and declare that Skype’s Instant Messaging logs should now be put in the public domain.

Juicy Gossip

Juicy Gossip

One of Skype’s original founders Janus Friis was quick to comment:

“Dude. Did you know I boned Roger Moore’s daughter in the toilet on a Virgin Atlantic Upper Class flight? Did you? Within 2 minutes of me putting the tip in, select people in my office were skyping each other about it. That’s hot. It turned me on. And dear old Meg Whitman was in the office going ‘huh, huh, what’s so funny? huh – why is everyone typing and giggling? Tell me? Did I tuck my pants into my skirt or are you just mocking my poor business sense? That’s the power of Skype Chat”

Lead Advocate of Privacy Think Tank “Please Don’t Tell Your Parents” were quick to be confused by what was going on:

“90% of my day is on Skype Group Chat with about 5 other equal slackers speculating who is getting fired, who had sex in an office cupboard and why my CTO is probably a successful child molester based on his moustache. That information has no duty to be in the public domain.  My use of the vomiting Skype emoticon regarding the receptionist’s choice of men is my prerogative. No-one has the right to go through my silent dissenting rants that I bash out frustratedly in the corner of the office with Bob and Steve the Racist.  Just because he hates our boss because he might be Chinese – doesn’t mean I do. I swear like Chinese food.”

Riiight. Regardless The Guardian were quick to take the initial Skype text files containing nearly 4 billion lines of sexual ambigious chit-chat about who would you murder, shag or marry in Accounting and upload it to be Crowd-Sourced by bored social malcontents.  So far in nearly 10 minutes over 3 chats had been flagged as containing the word ‘fuck sticks’.  Gripping.

TechChuff is glad all our bitching is already in the public domain on Twitter and scrawled on the side of toilet walls.

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