Video Game Nut Accidently Kills Actual Boss
In a curious turn of events today, a employee was suspended from work for 2 weeks and sentenced to life imprisonment for murder after shooting his boss across the hallway in the office.
The man involved was one Daniel Craig David, a confessed video game addict who misspent his youth taking exams, socialising with friends and playing computer games. He was successful in his work as a marketing manager until he bought Gears of War 2 recently – an event which would change everything. After spending many tens of hours transfixed upon this hate-simulator, the line between real life and a pretend war on giant aliens blurred.
“All my video game life I’d had to kill a boss to win the game. You know – the games keep telling you, ‘You have to beat the boss’, ‘This is the final boss, that is his weak spot – you need to shoot him in the thorax’,'This is the toughest boss stage – take grenades and an infinite life cheat’.”
It was this relentless mental conditioning or ‘game-washing’ that turned Daniel from a slightly better than average member of society into a monster. A monster with 3 eyes and a tail that fires lasers. Lasers made of bullets which kill innocent people on days like today.
“I just snapped. We were in a meeting room powering up the computer and someone said ‘You’ve got to deal with the boss, he’s coming right now’. I mean – I don’t hate my boss, he’s a nice guy but I was in the zone. His weak spot was his whole body. My gun was my gun. I turned and pulled out the concealed Glock 19 that I am legally allowed to carry with me at all times and blew his head off. “
For Daniel the aftermath of this affair will be jail. For his boss it will be being dead.
The manufacturers of Gears of Wars 2 sent the following press release earlier today:
“Get a grip.”
In other news – the Hostel 1 and 2 double pack gets a BluRay release this week.