Google Android Eats Owner. Blows Up Police Helicopter. Still on the Rampage.
Over-enthusiastic Google employees accidentally released the Google Android into the wild last night. The 30-foot tall, fire-breathing, laser-eyed robot with the head of Larry Page and a heart of great search relevance is currently being taken down by the US military, coastguard and a mob of angry Twitterers armed with sticks and 140 character messages of lame wit and sarcasm.
When asked if the whole ‘Android is our new mobile operating system’ was just a cover-up, Google PR denied the rumours with the following statement:
“Yup. Of course it’s a big fucking cover-up. We spent most of our cash on building a giant truck-a-saurus type device, you know that robot dinosaur that eat cars and shit. I guess we were bored of the free Jelly-Bean dispensers and massage chairs at the GooglePlex so we built Google Android to go and eat the Steves; Ballmer and Jobs. You can watch it destroy San Jose on Google Latitude if you want. “*
When asked about their ‘do no evil’ policy, Marissa Mayer stated:
“You believe that shit? We are like the freaking borg. We own you. I know what you ate last night. I can see your thoughts. We are going to hold the US government to ransom I tell you. We’ve threatened to leave the country impotent by turning off Google and leave you fuckers with Yahoo and Live search. You seen 24 right? This is like that times a million and without Jack Bauer to save you. This giant robot is only the beginning”*
*Google Truth Filter [beta] applied