Local Man Tells of Incredible Escape From Unfunny Email Thread.
A local man was found by police after his daring escape trapped in a deeply-inappropriate email thread for nearly 4 hours.
Marc Smith is recovering with new friends after a brutal ordeal ended today involving being emailed at work about going for pizza. After a brief flurry of messages related to timings, Marc was horrified to discover that the conversation quickly went dangerously off-topic and people began to relentlessly reply-to-all with unemployed-slacker-like speed.
“I was just doing some Powerpoint when I got a message about getting pizza. I replied ‘sure’ and thought that was that. Within 4 FUCKING MINUTES the conversation deteriorated into idiotic robot-sex debates and pictures of those Real Sexdolls being repaired. Every 10 secs I’d have FUCKING NEW MAIL and another borderline-retard would add his comedy 2-cents to the debate.”
Not only was he desperately trapped in the To: field but also his use of Outlook meant a separate email in his inbox every time. With each ‘ping’ of new mail came the faint hope of rescue, the glimmer of an actual work email but no. Hours passed and his inbox slowly swelled, with him unable to read nor delete the messages before another witty comment about ‘wanking in the office toilets isn’t that bad right?‘ hit him in the face.
“I felt trapped. I just didn’t know how to escape. I couldn’t remove myself from the TO: field; it’s impossible with current email technology so I tried just to ironically write the word ‘unsuscribe’ or even plead ‘look guys I’m pretty busy’ but it made things worse. 100 emails and 4 hours later these numbskulls were still cranking this shit out.”
Gems such as “Do you thinking fucking a donut or bagel would be more pleasurable?”, “Optimus Prime or Megatron? You have to receive. Robot form only.”, and long, thought-out technical and philosophical debates on the MacBook-alien-mothership takedown in Independence Day were recovered by police forensic teams earlier today. PC Plod was shocked by what he discovered and could only state : “Don’t these people have any fucking work to do?”
TechChuff sympathises with Marc as he wept “WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST SEND THIS SHIT TO MY GMAIL?!” when his freedom was finally secured, with his friends getting bored and moving their banter onto Twitter for the rest of the afternoon.
However if anyone is about please setup a Google Wave entitled : “Bio-mechanical discussions of inter-animal sex with video examples” and we’ll be there with bells on!