Survey: Modern Women Rank ‘Having A Big Box of Random Cables’ a Must-Have in a Man
What do these modern women want? A dashingly handsome gent with all his own teeth and no priors? A successful entrepreneur who spends all his time eyeing your handbags to sell on eBay? Or just someone who won’t keep asking ‘You have see the original trilogy right?’ in front of all your friends?
We had no fucking idea. As a sexless omnipresence we were forced to commission a focus group to understand what do today’s women look for in a modern man. The results in this plethora of panopticon pleasures, was to say the least, mildly interesting.
After paying nearly £10,000 for an research agency to get a ‘thicko’ GCSE-student to mangle the data into a crayola-drawn set of charts and other graphs, we were presented with the results via a series of hand-puppet demonstrations. We discovered that nearly 90% of women find men who own a massive box of random cables and wires, ‘an extreme turn-on’ and ‘a effective DNA host to procreate with’.
“It’s just so hot the way he wades through that tangled jungle of cables and wires like a modern-day Ranulph Fiennes. Even though the PS3 came with the right connector, he proved to me that his HDMI to SCART to PHONO adapter he got on eBay can be put to purpose in degrading the video quality. He also said he’s got cables to connect our toaster to an iPod dock. He’s so going to be my baby’s daddy.”
This ‘modern day MacGuver’ clearly is pioneering the essential life skills to ‘stock pile UK to EU plug adapters in case of the apocalypse’ and tell guests at dinner parties that ‘you totally can get a Displayport to hdmi converter, in fact I have one in my box of cables, wait let me get it out and show you’ ; both of which women claim they rank higher than ‘appreciating X-Factor’ and ‘being able to flush the toilet properly’.
While we had worried that today’s man had been neutered in this modern world without the ability to use his brute strength and guile as the hunter-gather or iron-monger of the village. However it is clear that with the advent of flat-pack furniture and a multitude of audio-visual equipment to connect, we will ensure the average man, with no skills apart from advanced Excel and Powerpoint, can demonstrate himself as the dominate male of the house.