Rap / Web 2.0 Crossover Album to Help Cash-Strapped Startups
Jay-Z and Mike Arrington combine together in potentially the most inappropriate musical-mashup since the time someone ‘accidently’ played Megadeth at your aunties funeral. Bringing the creative industries of hip-hop and Web 2.0 together for the first time, rap mogul Damon Dash says he’s surprised this hasn’t happened sooner.
‘Our worlds are closer than you think. Tim Berners-Lee and Tim Westwood are both somewhat-irrelevant, white-haired English grandpas but both founding fathers of our industries. Notorious once sang, ‘Make Money. Fuck Bitches’, and this is exactly what Pierre Omyidar said when asked why he founded eBay. Remember the Jay-Z ‘Big Pimpin’ video? That was Larry Page’s yacht. And his 15 bikini-clad wives. We ain’t all that different. That’s why I am helping release this new album on my label to help all those struggling internet startups turning tricks on the street’.
The album entitled ‘No money? No problems!’ includes a number of re-recorded rap classics featuring various internet celebrities on vocal duties. Steve Wolfram of Wolfram-Alpha was disappointed his freestyling would not included:
‘I spit fire when I’m rhyming. My algorithms are algorythmic. You take your pants off while I’m eating a biscuit.’
Rand Fiskin of Seomoz was quick to ‘battle back’:
‘All my verses are SEO optimised. H1, title and meta descriptions – your servers are compromised.’
Err blimey, powerful stuff. We at Techchuff we able to obtain the pre-release on mp3 from a crack-dealing 5-year-old in a local playground and can officially leak the track listings to our eager readers.
‘No money? No problems!’ - Notorious BIG feat Mark Zuckerberg
‘Gin and Joost’ - Snoop Dogg feat Janus Friss and Niklas Zennstrom
‘U Can’t Multi-Touch This – Hammer feat Jonathan Ives
‘The Error Message’ - Grand Master Flash feat. Bill Gates
‘OS X Gonna Give It To Ya’ - DMX feat Steve Jobs
‘Don’t Believe the Qype‘ – Public Enemy feat. Yelp Inc
‘Put your hands on your nearest VC’ – Busta Rhymes feat. Index Ventures
‘Boot-Strappy-licious’ - Beyonce feat. Soup.io
‘P.H.P.‘- Naughty by Nature feat. Rasmus Lerdorf
‘Skills to Pay the Hosting Bills’ - Beastie Boys feat ‘@ev’
‘S.T.E.A.M.’ – Wu-Tang Clan feat Valve and Gabe Newell
’8088s and Heartbreaks’ – Kanye West feat. Intel Corp
‘Spotify ruled the world‘ – Nas feat Roberta from Spotify
We now can’t wait for school-yard beefs between Internet ‘celebrities’ to be finally resolved offline with a hail of 9mm bullets and pools of blood with Robert Scoble driving away in his blacked-out H2 Hummer chuckling and Twittering away to himself. Meanwhile, rumours of a forthcoming boy-band version of this project, because of the appropriateness of Robbie Williams crooning ‘I’m loving Angels instead’, remain a TechChuff pipe dream.