Small Dog Commits to Learn How to Code in 2012

A stray dog. A tramp. A stick of celery. A empty cardboard box full of used toilet paper.

What do they have in common? No, not ‘what are awful things I got for Xmas, Alex’ but a list of advocates who have overly enthusiastically committed to LEARN TO CODE this year.

Being the sharp-nosed, big-butted intrepid reporter, we dropped everything (including our pants) to dig into this troubled trend sweeping Britain. We went undercover into… I-WANT-TO-BE-AN-EVEN-BIGGER-NERD-GATE

Day 1.

irish setter

I don't understand version control

We met up with our dog on the inside, a stray Irish Setter called Sally in a pub in Clerkenwell. We deeply wanted to understand why Sally had put on Twitter ‘this year I promise to learn to CODE. WOOF’.

“I’m not sure you’ve noticed Bob, but I’m actually a dog. I spend most of my day having to try and avoid getting poo in my fur. It’s fine. But I noticed on Twitter after New Year, that people, average people, average hipsters, were proclaiming that they were going to learn Ruby on Rails. Why? WHO KNOWS! BUT I WAS IN. I couldn’t let this bandwagon go down the road without idiotically chasing it with no idea why I was even – OMG LOOK AT THAT BUTTERFLY OMG IT’S SO GREAT OMG I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO NOW AND CHASE THAT NOW”

We were distressed. Could it be that the free-riding twitter mob wanted to RISE and take back the reins over who could build pointlessly unproductive productivity apps for their macbook air? Were fat people thinking it’s easier to learn to code and be a fat developer than go on a diet and be a thin normal person? Did my non-English speaking granny need a job as Technical Data Warehousing Architect at Barclays Bank? Did my 4 year old sister want to stick it to the NERDS to prove she could ‘do this coding shit mad easy yo’? DID DOGS WANT TO TAKE OVER TACKLING THE HUGE MYSQL CHALLENGE AT FACEBOOK?

Who knows. All we knew was that something terrible was happening.

Day 2.

tramp Small Dog Commits to Learn How to Code in 2012

A tramp. No wait a developer. No wait definitely a tramp. Um...

We woke up in a bed-sit in Camberwell with two tramps, a massive stack of O’Reilly books and a lot of heroin vials. Tramp 1 was smearing baked beans on the floor trying to explain Object-Oriented programming to me. Tramp 2 was trying to eat the definitive book on PHP. A local hipster popped his head round the corner asking if he could join in. I named him Tramp 3 because of his scraggy facial hair and stupid bicycle. We cracked out the opium and started talking about a great problem that had been troubling us all for weeks.

What does ’10 Print “Hello”. mean?

Day 42.

 Small Dog Commits to Learn How to Code in 2012

Half Blogger. Half Developer.

We finally emerged from our chrysalis after 42 days of CodeAcademy bootcamp hell and now fully fledged developers. We were armed with a weird sense of over-confidence and the desire to build obtuse technical solutions for marginal problems. We knew that endless wealth was now within our grasp and that attractive and successful business folk would be clambering to get just 1 second of our time. There was now a whole new world open to us.

But something felt wrong. Something deep inside. Something troubling. And then we realised.

WE WERE DEVELOPERS…..

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