The Chuffington Post Pt 3: LadyChuff Waves Back

Dear Lady Chuff,

Please can I have a Google Wave invite please?

Thanks enormously,

Everyone, everywhere, all the time
Dear, sweet, innocent readers,

It’s clear what’s happened here. You haven’t quite understood: Google Wave doesn’t actually *do* anything.

I look up to him because he has a Google Wave invite, but I look down at him because he uses Hotmail still.

I look up to them both because they have Google Wave invites.

Allow me to elucidate: despite commentary which has hailed Wave as nothing short of an electronic marvel, when you actually attempt to find a use for it, it becomes painfully obvious no one actually understands what Wave does.

For her own part, Lady Chuff has four contacts: one is Techchuff himself, two are technology PRs she’d rather never have acquired as contacts in the first place, and one is a university friend she hasn’t spoken to since they came to one of her many soirées, pissed all over her television set, and attempted to seduce her cat.

Her Waves include such enlightening content as ‘Does Wave actually do anything?’ and ‘Google Wave Atheists – oh shit, we just deleted everything’. This may or may not have been an attempt at expressing theological noncognitivism, although that would render the entire exercise entirely without meaning and could indeed bring about the collapse of the whole system: we’ll gloss over it.

Anyway, what with the cloying masses begging for Wave invites and the smug in-crowd attitude of those lucky few who have managed to get in, Lady Chuff can conclude only that what Messrs Brin, Page et al were looking to create was less a revolutionary piece of collaborative technology and more a digital solution to replacing the class system.

We are, after all, perilously close to forming some sort of meritocracy – with discrimination based on wealth or birth becoming increasingly unfashionable, society is in dire need for a new method of discerning whom is most appropriate to associate oneself with.

Rather than begging for an invite, then, readers, perhaps it’s time to create your own little digital club. Lady Chuff suggests ChuffWave. Tagline: ‘it also doesn’t do anything, but say something kind about us and we’ll let anyone in’.

And if you are, by some god-given miracle, privileged enough to receive a Wave invite? For all that is good and holy, try your very best to restrain yourself from commenting on the appearance of the emperor’s fine new attire.

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