‘What recession?”, Says CEO of Online Pet-Dating Startup

Despite the dire economic times and contraction of advertising spends across all industries, the internet start-up world remains somehow shielded from these external forces and any sort of reality check.

Experts are calling this the ‘head-in-sand’ model of market development where by ignoring what is actually going on in the world, you are shielded from worry and concern and can aggressively push forward in your enterprise without distraction.

"Look I've found a new Braille Twitter startup"

"Look I've found a new Braille Twitter startup"

Against all odds we are still seeing the web start-up landscape relentlessly expanding into more and more niche areas, as people are jumping on board what technology evangelists are calling ‘The Unsinkable Industry’.

Today we interviewed Dr Thomas Van Wienerworth, the CEO of newly founded pet-dating site ‘www.Heavy-Petting.de’ on this, and whether his parents will ever understand what his job actually is.

“Hallo. Meine name is Thomas. Ich bin CEO of Heavy-Petting.de which is, how you say, a light-sex site for animals who are having looks for love.

You now I vas inspired by such supercool peoples in US such like Guy Kawasaki, Robert Scoble, that really old guy, and Loic Le Meur, who are all still able to spend all day on ze Twitter to talks about the latest internet startup; like zis new advertising exchange for sandwich board men. This is very much inspirational for a German from ze Black Forest like me, where meine best hope for job was simple pig herder.”

Despite a criticism about lack of innovation coming out of Europe, Wienerworth remains adamant that Europeans are just as good as Americans in wasting VC money on crackpot, well presented business plans.

“You see ja, meine old enterprise was this, how you say, online Iceberg-towing company. If du bist one of zese very hot und black countries like Africa, you can go on ze Web and buy eine bischen of ze iceberg and ve will tow to port of your choice. I vaz lented 30million euros in ze funding and I am still now too sure vat I spent zat money on.”

Err, icebergs maybe? This year it seems that rapid growth is key for Heavy-Petting and considerations for how to make money will be something they work out in 2012 after he has sold the company and retired.

“You ze – Heavy-Petting is all about ze ‘match-making’ – ve are not in for casual encounters. The cats, hunds und rabbits, zese animals are looking for love – not ze rumpy pumpy.  Ze dog in the house is a key infuencer to the man. He ist his besten freund how you say so our website is designed for ze animals by ze animals.”

When asked if he’ll feature adverts on his site to make some short-term revenue to cover his obvious currywurst habit, Wienerworth became very excited to explain about his new Bestial Ad Targeting engine.

“Ve can sell adverts with ze information of whether ze user ist eine dog, cat, a snake or a small weasel. This is wery wery interesting data for advertisers. Ve will sell zis info, plus like if ze dog has worms, ze rat has wiffy or if ze cat has been cut-cut-balls-off for super premium. People still vant to see flashing banners so we can make some monies on ad-revenue; this is still a zuperduper growth area”

We at TechChuff still remained confused whether the rat smells wiffy or has WiFi but that is how the German pronounced it. Heavy-Petting launches today in 3 markets but still blighted by controversy about whether cross-species dating will be allowed given Wienerworth’s conservative Christian background.

About Head Chuff

Connect with me on Google+

More Posts (64)

Related Posts

advertising, Robert Scoble, startup1 Comment
Comments To This Entry

Leave a comment